Harley and Ivy: Hunters and Hunted
by Jake7901
Summary: A continuation of Harley and Ivy: The Joker's Last Beating. After Harley takes Two Face to jail and collects the bounty, she invites Poison Ivy to go shopping. After stopping a robbery, a GCPD officer suggests they become bounty hunters. Harley agrees Ivy goes along to settle a few old vendettas. How will they fair when the tables are turned.


All characters are owned by DC

Ivy was sitting in her house, when her phone rang. She looked at the caller ID and saw a picture of Harley sticking her tongue out with her hands up by her ears.

She answered it and said "hey Harl, what did you do this time?"

Harley giggled and said "nothing like you're thinkin', I came into a little money."

"How much?" Ivy asked.

"Ten grand" Harley said.

"What? How?" Ivy asked "Harley, please tell me you didn't rob someone."

"No" Harley said.

"Good" Ivy said "you had me worried. So how did you get the money?"

"Two face and his goons tried to turn me in for a bounty, I guess they didn't know I've gone straight. Anyway, I ended up taking them all down and cashed Two Face in for the bounty. Meet me in town, Red. We're going shoppin'!"

"I'll meet you at the mall" Ivy said "I should be there in ten minutes."

When Ivy got to the mall, she found Harley leaning against a tree, licking an ice cream cone.

"Hey Harl" she said.

"Hiya Red" Harley said smiling "ready for some shoppin'?"

"Sure Harl" Ivy said "let's go."

Harley quickly finished her ice cream as they walked inside. Once her ice cream was gone, Harley began skipping. When they were close to Harley's favorite clothes store, she stopped skipping and cartwheeled in front of the door.

She stopped and jumped up and down excitedly and said "c'mon Red, let's see if they still have those red and black tee shirt and shorts sets!"

She ran into the store giggling. Ivy smiled and followed.

"It's good to have Harley back to normal, well normal for her anyway" Ivy thought to herself.

She found Harley in front of a clothing rack, holding several outfits. Mostly black and red, but some green.

Ivy walked up to her and Harley handed her the green outfits and said "the dressing rooms are this way!"

She skipped towards the back of the store. Ivy caught up as Harley closed the door of one of the dressing rooms.

"Let me guess" Ivy said "you want to do a fashion show."

"Maybe" Harley said grinning.

Ivy sat down and waited. Harley stepped out in short black shorts and a red tank top.

"Nice" Ivy said.

Harley walked back into the dressing room and came out in a black tee shirt and red sweat pants. Several outfits later, she walked out in the clothes she was wearing before they came into the store.

"Your turn" Harley said.

Ivy walked into the dressing room and began trying on the outfits.

After trying them on she walked out and asked "ready to go?"

"Yup" Harley said "let's go."

As they approached the counter, the cashier gasped and took a step back.

"You, you're Harley Quinn" he said "and P…Poison Ivy."

He put his hands up and opened the register.

Harley sighed and said "really? We're trying to pay for these."

"I already pushed the silent alarm" he said "security and the police will be here any minute."

Two security guards ran in. Harley started to reach behind her for the pistol.

"No!" Ivy whispered sternly.

"Calm down" Harley said.

She slowly drew the pistol and held it out towards the guards. They both just looked at her.

Harley looked at them and calmly said "I'm turnin' over my weapon to ya."

One of the guards stepped forward and took the gun from her. A minute later, three police officers arrived.

"What's going on?" one of the officers asked.

"Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn are in my store" the cashier said "so I called you guys immediately."

The officer approached Harley and asked "so what's going on, Miss Quinn?"

"I was trying to take Red on a shopping trip with the reward money from Two Face" Harley said.

"What's the date?" The officer asked.

Another officer looked at his watch and said "it's the fifteenth."

"Today's one of the days she is legally allowed to be here" the officer said.

"She had a gun" one of the security guards said.

The officer looked at her again.

"I carry a pistol in case the Joker breaks out and comes after me" she said "Commissioner Gordon knows the Joker will probably stop at nothing to kill me, so he gave me a permit to carry it. I'm not stupid, I don't wanna go back to jail."

She took out her permit and handed it to the officer.

He looked it over and said "give her back her gun, and let her pay for the clothes."

The officer handed her the permit to carry back. He looked at the security guard and motioned towards Harley. The guard handed her back the pistol. Harley put it back in the back of her belt.

"Have a good day Miss Quinn" the officer said as he left with the other officers.

Harley put the clothes on the counter and waited. The cashier rang them up and told her the total. Harley counted out the bills and handed him the money.

"Thank you" he said "have a nice day, Miss Quinn."

"It's Harley" she said as she left with Ivy.

"I thought you carried your old .357 revolver" Ivy whispered.

"I do" Harley said "I mighta forgot to grab it this morning 'cos I was rushing to a sale and I mighta gotten that new one from Two Face. Let's go get some lunch."

Ivy was about to say something about the gun, but she smiled and rolled her eyes and said "sure Harl, let's go."

They left the mall and got into Ivy's car.

She stopped at a nice restaurant on the way home and said "I can't remember the last time we had a nice sit down meal."

"Sounds good to me" Harley said.

They walked inside and found a table.

A waitress walked up to the table and said "welcome, my name is Jenny and I'll be taking care of you. Are you ready to order or do you need a moment?"

"I'm ready" Ivy said.

"Me too" Harley said.

"Ok" Jenny said "What would you like?"

Ivy handed her the menu and said "I'll have the steamed vegetable plate and a glass of red wine."

"Good choice" Jenny said "and for you ma'am."

Harley looked up at her and said "I want the chicken fingers and french fries, extra fries and a beer."

"Ma'am, the chicken fingers are off of our children's menu" Jenny said.

"So?" Harley asked.

"Very well" Jenny said "I'll have it out in a few minutes."

She walked back into the kitchen.

Harley and Ivy were chatting when a man in a ski mask ran in with a pistol and yelled "nobody move! I want all money and valuables NOW!"

Harley sighed and said "we can't even eat lunch in peace. I'll be back in a sec."

"I've got your back, just in case" Ivy said.

Harley walked over to him as he pointed the pistol at her.

"D…don't come any closer" he said shaking "or I'll…I'll shoot."

"Sure you will" Harley said sarcastically.

She grabbed the barrel of his pistol and pushed it down, pointing it at the ground. She punched him in the face, he let go of the gun and stumbled back.

Harley smacked him with the gun and said "Your turn, Red."

The branches on the tree by the door reached out and wrapped around the man's arms.

Harley handed the gun to a waiter and said "call the cops on him."

She walked back to the table.

The waitress walked over and said "that was amazing. How did you know he wouldn't shoot?"

"He wasn't a killer" Harley said "I could see it in his eyes. There is a certain hardened look in someone's eyes before they take a life, no matter how many people they've killed. His eyes showed fear and doubt."

"Ok" the waitress said "well, your lunch is on me."

"Thanks" Harley said.

Ten minutes later, the police showed up. After talking to several witnesses, they approached Harley and Ivy's table.

"Miss Quinn?" One of the officers said.

"Yeah?" Harley said with a mouth full of French fries.

"This is the second time today you've taken a criminal off of the street" the officer said.

Harley shrugged and took a bite of her chicken fingers.

"Well" he said "we wanted to thank you."

"No problem" Harley said.

"You're almost becoming a crime fighter" the officer said.

"Red helped this time." Harley said.

"Red?" The officer asked.

"Ivy" Harley said.

"Oh" the officer said "thank you too Miss Ivy. I'm sure Batman will appreciate it. Not only are you ladies turning your lives around, but you are seriously helping him."

"Well, most of the villains around here hate me and or Red anyway, so…" Harley said shrugging.

"Most of the criminals around here have bounties on their heads" the officer said.

"Isn't bounty hunting illegal?" Ivy asked.

"No" the officer said "as long as you don't kill them, unless they're wanted dead or alive. Any wanted criminal with a bounty would be fair game to you ladies."

"Thanks for the tip" Harley said "we might take you up on it."

"Enjoy the rest of your meal, ladies" the officer said as he tipped his hat.

He turned around and walked away.

"That might be an easy and kinda fun way to make money" Harley said.

"I'll think about it" Ivy said.

Later that night, Harley was practicing her gymnastic on a balance beam she had bought. Ivy was tending to her plants and thinking about what the officer had said. She walked into the house and found Harley on the balance beam.

She approached and said "hey, Harl?"

Harley did a backflip off of the balance beam and said "hey, Red. What's up?"

"I've been thinking about the bounty hunting conversation" Ivy said.

"And?" Harley said.

"Let's do it" Ivy said "but, only to settle old vendettas. Not as a career."

"Ok" Harley said "I have to make a few calls. I know some people who can get us a few things to help us out."

"Ok" Ivy said "I'm going to go finish up with my plants."

"Have fun" Harley said as she walked over to the phone.

The next day, Ivy was sitting in the living room watching TV.

Harley walked by and said "I'll be back soon."

"Where are you going?" Ivy asked.

"I'm gonna go get my old motorcycle from a friend who's been holding it for me" Harley said "then I have a few things to pick up to help us with the bounty hunting."

"You can't go into Gotham until the first of the month" Ivy said.

"I cleared it with Gordon and Bats" Harley said "they're letting me go into town for one hour to get my bike, mostly because we stopped that robbery yesterday."

"Ok" Ivy said "see you soon."

A little over an hour later, Ivy heard Harley's motorcycle pull up outside. Harley walked in with a cardboard box in her hands. She set it down and signaled for Ivy to come over next to it. Ivy stood up and walked over to the Harley.

"Check it out" Harley said as she opened the box.

She pulled out a leather jacket and showed it to her. It was black with red sleeves, with small black diamonds on the wrists. On the back was a picture of the Joker in a jail cell with a black eye and several bandages and the word 'Owned' above the picture. Harley put it on, revealing HQ written in red below her left shoulder.

"It's nice" Ivy said "but how will that help you exactly?"

Harley smiled and said "it's lined with the latest fiber body armor and the elbows are reinforced with metal plates. And there is a built in pistol holster for my .357 on the inside."

"Very nice" Ivy said.

Harley reached back into the box and pulled out a strange looking pistol and held it out towards Ivy and said "for you."

"Now, you know I don't use guns" Ivy said.

"It's not a normal gun, Red" Harley said smiling "it shoots your weaponized seeds. It sends them a lot farther than you can throw them."

Ivy took the pistol and looked it over.

Harley showed her how to drop the magazine and said "It holds four different types of seeds. There is a selector on the top, right above the magazine to pick which seed it will shoot."

"How does it fire seeds?" Ivy asked.

"It's gas operated" Harley said.

"Anything else?" Ivy asked.

Harley nodded and reached into the box again. She took out a green gun belt and handed it to Ivy. She put it around her waist and buckled it then put the seed pistol in the holster.

"Perfect fit" Ivy said smiling "and I love the color."

"I figured ya would" Harley said "who should we go after first?"

"We have to find out who's broken out and has a bounty first, Sweet Pea" Ivy said.

"Yeah, that would probably help" Harley said.

Ivy started looking online and said "Victor Zsasz broke out three days ago."

"Cool" Harley said "how much?"

Ivy read farther and said "twenty-five thousand, but he's a tough one."

Harley raised an eyebrow at her and said "you, Poison Ivy, are afraid of a man?"

"I never said that" Ivy said "I was just making sure you wanted to go after him and not someone else."

"He has killed a lot of people I used to work with and some friends" Harley said "I can't kill him since I gave up crime, but I can put him back in jail."

She walked into her room and came back with her baseball bat and .357 magnum revolver.

"Hang on Harl" Ivy said.

"Why?" Harley asked.

"Well" Ivy said "one: you can't go into town until the first. Two: you're not going alone and I need time to work with my new gun. Three: we have no idea where to start looking. We need to make some calls to get a general idea of where to start."

"Ok" Harley said "I guess that makes sense."

"Come on" Ivy said "I need you to teach me how to shoot like a pro."

"Ok, Red" Harley said smiling "let's go out back and I'll teach ya."

They went outside and Ivy set up old clay flower pots at fifteen, twenty and thirty yards, per Harley's instructions. Harley brought out the 9mm she took from Two Face and a box of 9mm ammunition she had in her closet. Ivy loaded the seed pistol with ordinary flower seeds.

"Ok" Harley said holding a stop watch "show me what ya got Red."

Ivy raised the pistol and fired ten seeds. Eight missed and two grazed a pot.

"Two out of ten in nineteen seconds isn't bad for your first time shooting" Harley said.

"Ok little miss expert" Ivy said "if you can hit at least seven in less time, I'll order pizza for dinner tonight. With anything you want on it."

Ivy put her hand over her mouth as a grin spread over Harley's face. Ivy's pride had gotten the best of her again.

Harley handed her the stop watch, drew her pistol and said "just say when."

Ivy pushed the start button on the stop watch and said "go."

Harley raised the pistol and began firing. Ivy sighed as the flower pots began shattering.

"Time!" Harley said as the tenth pot shattered.

Ivy looked at the watch and said "eight seconds." She looked at the pots and said "ten out of ten."

Harley put the pistol back I her belt and said "ok, Red. It's your turn again."

Ivy drew her pistol again and selected the next spring on the magazine.

"Raise the pistol and lock your elbow" Harley said.

Ivy did what she said and looked back at Harley.

"Ok" Harley said "there is a U shape in the back and a raised point in the front, those are your sights. Ya want to put the point directly in the middle of the U and that's where the bullet, I mean seed, will go."

Ivy looked down the sights and said "ok."

"Aim at the middle of the pot and squeeze the trigger, don't just pull it." Harley said.

Ivy aimed at the pot and squeezed the trigger. The pistol fired and the top of the pot shattered.

"There ya go" Harley said "great shot. See if ya can do it again."

Ivy aimed at another pot and fired twice. The first round grazed the side of the pot, but the next one shattered it.

"See, you're getting' it" Harley said smiling.

Ivy smiled at her and said "thanks Harl."

A few hours later, Ivy was averaging seven out of ten.

"You're doing great" Harley said.

"I wouldn't say great" Ivy said "I'm doing good, but you're still faster and a better shot."

Harley smiled and said "ya ain't not gonna learn everything in just a few hours."

"You know I'm usually a very fast learner" Ivy said "how did you get so good?"

Harley's smile faded and the joy in her eyes was replaced by emptiness.

She looked away, sighed and said "I'm not proud of it, but I have over twenty kills with a pistol."

Ivy was slightly shocked. She knew Harley had killed before, she had too. It came with being a super villain. She never would have imagined that Harley could have killed so many people.

"I hope that doesn't change the way ya think about me, Pamela" Harley said.

"She called me Pamela, not Red or even Ivy" Ivy thought "this has to be a hard subject for her to talk about."

She put her hand on Harley's shoulder and said "Harl, look at me."

Harley slowly turned her head back towards her.

"Listen" Ivy said "we've both done things we aren't proud of. I've killed people too. This doesn't affect our friendship at all or how I think about you."

Harley smiled slightly.

"By the way" Ivy said "my name is Red to you, not Pamela."

Harley's smiled brightened and she hugged her.

Ivy returned the embrace and said "come on, let's go order your piazza."

An hour later, Harley was eating a meat lover's pizza with jalapenos. Ivy was eating a vegetarian pizza.

"Thanks for the pizza, Red" Harley said with her mouth full.

"You won fair and square" Ivy said.

"Yeah" Harley said "but you are getting better. You'll be shooting a fly at one hundred yards in no time."

"I don't know about that" Ivy said.

"I did get you a real gun, just in case" Harley said "it's hard to miss with it."

"Really?" Ivy asked.

"Yeah" Harley said "let me go get it."

Harley walked into her bedroom and came back holding something behind her back. She brought it around in front of her, revealing a short gun.

"What kind of gun is it?" Ivy asked.

Harley smiled and said "it's a sawed off, stockless, double barrel .12 gauge shotgun. Also known as a scatter gun. We'll try it out after dinner."

"Ok" Ivy said.

After they finished their pizza, they went outside with Ivy's shotgun. Harley put five empty glass bottles next to each other on a stump and stood with Ivy ten yards away.

"Ok, Red" Harley said "you don't have to aim this one as carefully. Point it at the bottles and pull one of the triggers. It has a hard kick and it will be loud."

Ivy pointed the shotgun at the bottles and pulled one of the triggers. Ivy was amazed as all of the bottles shattered at once.

"Wow" Ivy said.

Harley's phone rang.

She answered it and said "hello?..hey Selina…you found him already…three …oh, they got away…yeah, that's a relief…thanks."

She hung up, then looked at Ivy and said "that was Catwoman, she got a tip about Zsasz."

"What was it?" Ivy asked.

"He tried to murder three women in an alley" Harley said.

"Did they catch him?" Ivy asked.

"No" Harley said "he escaped. Big surprise, the cops in this town don't know how to deal with villains. That's why we should be out there dealing with him."

"You don't want to be a criminal anymore, right?" Ivy asked.

"Right" Harley said.

"Then you have to live up to the terms of your probation. You have to stay here and not go into town, unless it's the first or the fifteenth."

Harley hung her head slightly and nodded.

"But" Ivy said "if he's still out in two weeks, he's ours."

Harley smiled and said "I should have you shooting like an expert by then."

The next two weeks felt like an eternity to Harley. She watched the news every morning and every night. The night of the fourteenth, Zsasz was still at large. Harley and Ivy were getting everything ready. Harley set out her baseball bat, .357 magnum, PD51 9mm and a KABAR knife.

"We're going up against one person, not an army" Ivy said looking at Harley's weapon stash.

"Better to have it and not need it" Harley said.

Ivy had her seed pistol, shotgun and a bag of seeds.

"See you in the morning Harley" Ivy said.

"Night Red" Harley said.

The next morning, Harley walked into the living room wearing a red tee shirt, tight black jeans, black combat boots and her new leather jacket. Ivy was waiting in a green tee shirt, blue jeans, her gun belt and tennis shoes.

"Mornin' Red" Harley said.

"Good morning Harl" Ivy said "let's get ready."

Harley nodded and walked over to her weapons. She put the .357 in her jacket, the 9mm in the back of her belt, the knife in her boot and grabbed the baseball bat. Ivy put the pistol in the gun belt and the seeds in her pocket.

"I'm not gonna take the shotgun this time" Ivy said "ok Harl?"

"That's fine with me Red" Harley said.

"I don't think I'll need it for one person" Ivy said "besides, if we have to use deadly force, I've got you."

Harley smiled and nodded and said "I got your back Red. Should we take your car or my bike?"

"Let's take the car" Ivy said "we'll take the motorcycle next time, I promise."

"Ok" Harley said.

She put a piece of bubble gum in her mouth and walked outside, Ivy was close behind her.

Once they got in the car, Harley looked at Ivy and asked "ya want some gum?"

"No thanks" Ivy said "let's focus on the task at hand."

Once they got to Gotham, Ivy parked the car in a hidden spot and they began walking to a few abandoned warehouses, where Catwoman's intel said Zsasz was hiding. Harley walked down an alley looking. Suddenly someone stepped out behind her and grabbed her pigtails.

"Hello, pretty lady" an unfamiliar voice said.

"Zsasz?" Harley said.

"No" the voice said "just a lonely guy looking for a little action."

Harley sighed, raised her leg and pulled the knife out of her boot. She thrusted it behind her head, causing a pain filled yell from the person behind her. The person let go of her hair and she spun around and saw a tall thin man holding his bleeding right arm.

The man looked at her and said "I'll kill you! You little-y…you're Harley Quinn."

Harley blew a bubble and let it pop.

She nodded and hit him in the knee with her bat. There was a loud crack and he collapsed. Harley wiped the blood off of the knife on his shirt and put it back in her boot.

"Put a turnicate on that arm" Harley said "and stop harassing women."

"I could turn you in for this" the man said.

"For self defense?" Harley asked "I don't think so, you'd just be turning yourself in anyway. Now get outta here!"

The man got to his feet and limped away. Harley kept walking, looking for Zsasz. Suddenly she heard Ivy's seed pistol firing.

She ran in the direction of the sound and yelled "Red!"

She turned a corner and saw Ivy pointing the seed gun at someone entangled in vines. Harley walked closer and saw it was the same man who just tried to grab her.

She walked up and asked "what did I just tell you?"

Ivy looked at her and asked "have you two met?"

"You could say that" Harley said "I'm the one who stabbed him in the arm."

"He tried to grab you too?" Ivy asked.

"Yup" Harley said.

"Well, let's keep going" Ivy said.

Harley nodded and they kept walking.

"Wait" the man said "you can't leave me like this."

"Wanna bet?" Harley asked as they walked away.

A little while later, Ivy sighed and said "maybe Selina was wrong. Maybe he's not here."

"There's one small problem with that theory" Harley said.

"What problem?" Ivy asked.

"Him" Harley said pointing in front of them.

Ivy looked where Harley was pointing and saw Zsasz holding a woman with his hand over her mouth.

Harley approached him with the bat over her shoulder and said "hey Zsasz, why don't you pick on someone your own size?"

Zsasz looked at her and smiled. He shoved the woman towards her and charged her. Harley cartwheeled to the side, allowing the woman to run past her, then tripped Zsasz. The woman ran to Ivy.

"It's ok now" Ivy said as she moved the terrified woman behind her.

Zsasz stood up and rushed Harley. She jumped up, put her hands on his shoulders and flipped over him as he ran into a wall. He shook his head, then spun around and swung a switchblade knife at her. Harley jumped back, doing a back hand spring, avoiding the knife. She charged forward and hit him in the stomach with the bat. She grabbed his head and pushed it down as she brought her knee up, slamming his forehead into her knee. He stood back up, but was obviously disoriented. Harley kicked his legs out from under him, causing him to fall flat on his face. He looked up in time to see Harley put the bat over her left shoulder and draw a .357 revolver in her right hand and point it at his face.

"Any time now, Red" Harley said.

Ivy raised the seed pistol and shot the ground right next to Zsasz. Vined shot up and wrapped around his upper body, pinning his arms to his sides. Harley grabbed him and pulled him to his feet.

She put the barrel of the revolver to the back of his head and said "move it."

He started walking.

Ivy looked at the woman and asked "are you ok?"

She nodded and said "thank you."

"You're welcome" Ivy said "will you come to the police station with us as a witness, in case he says we attacked him?"

"Yes" the woman said "I don't want you two to get in trouble for saving me."

"Thanks" Ivy said "come on."

"Is there anyone else like him around here?" The woman asked.

"Not that I know of" Ivy sad "just stay close."

A little while later, there were two police officers talking outside of the police station.

"I don't believe it" one of them said looking at the street.

"What?" The other asked.

"Go get Commissioner Gordon" the first officer said.

The other officer went back inside and came back a minute later with Commissioner Gordon.

"What is going on?" He asked.

"That" The officer said pointing to the street.

Gordon looked and saw Zsasz coming towards them, tied up with vines. Being pushed with the barrel of a gun by Harley Quinn with Poison Ivy close behind, comforting a woman.

"Bat signal, now" Gordon said.

When they reached the station, Harley pushed Zsasz into the arms of an officer.

Ivy approached with the woman and said "he was attacking her, she might need medical attention."

Suddenly Batman arrived. He swooped in as Harley was putting the Revolver back into her jacket. He looked at Zsasz in vines being led into the police station, then at Harley and Ivy.

"Did you two capture him?" Batman asked.

"Yes" Harley said.

"You're crime fighters now?" He asked.

"Not exactly" Harley said "one of the G.C.P.D. recommended us to be bounty hunters."

Gordon sighed.

"Let's be realistic for a minute, Mistah Commissioner" Harley said "who in their right mind is going to hire Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy? Even though we've gone straight, we still have a reputation most people don't like. This way we can make money to live on, and help get dangerous criminals off of the street."

"Besides, we'll only be doing it two days a month" Ivy said.

"Ladies, come with me" Batman said.

Batman led them to an interrogation room and they all sat down. "Ok ladies, you are taking criminals off of the street but we don't want more bounty hunters popping up, so keep it discrete. I will see to it that you get the money."

"Can do B man" Harley said.

"Good" he said "Good hunting."

A few days later, Two Face had talked to Zsasz about his capture and talking, they had a plan to deal with Harley. Two Face had gotten a message out to some of his gang, ordering them to kill Harley and Ivy when they came back into town. The gang had eyes on them at all times, while trying to stay away from the fumes near their home. The fifteenth finally came, Harley and Ivy were headed into town on Harley's bike.

"Isn't this awesome?!" Harley asked.

"Yeah, sure" Ivy said "can we slow down a little?"

"No" Harley said "we'll get there faster this way. Hey! Wanna do somethin' _really_ fun?!"

"I don't know" Ivy said "what is it?"

"THIS!" Harley yelled as she popped a wheelie and sped up.

Harley finally slowed down as they reached the city limits. She stopped and stashed her bike. Harley and Ivy walked towards their favorite restaurant.

"Promise me we'll stay long enough for lunch to digest before we get back on the motorcycle" Ivy said.

"Ok" Harley said.

Ivy stepped in front of her, looked into her eyes and said "no more wheelies."

Harley smiled at Ivy, suddenly she gasped when she saw a man with a pistol behind her. Harley wrapped Ivy in a bear hug and spun her around so her own back was facing the gunman. The gunman fired three bullets, all of them hit Harley in the back. Ivy gasped and glared at the gunman. She pulled out her seed gun. Instead of aiming at the ground, she shot him in both arms. The vines shot out of his arms and wrapped around him. He yelled in pain as the vines sprouted from his arms. He fell over and passed out.

"Are you ok?!" Ivy asked.

"I think so" Harley said "the armor in my jacket should have stopped the bullets."

"That was insane!" Ivy yelled.

"Well it kinda makes sense that _I_ would do it then, huh?" Harley said.

"No jokes right now Harl" Ivy said "you could have been killed."

"The armor gave me a better chance of surviving" Harley said "besides I owed you for all the times you helped me get away from the Joker."

"Let's go talk to our new friend" Ivy said.

Harley turned and began walking towards him. Ivy looked at her back as she walked. She sighed in relief when there was no blood. Harley walked over to him and kicked him in the ribs. He cringed and opened his eyes slightly.

"Howdy partner" Harley said "why are ya trying to kill us?"

"Why should I tell you?" He asked.

Harley sighed and pulled the .357 out of her jacket.

She put the barrel against his head and said "please?"

He looked up at her, but didn't say anything. Ivy lifted up the back of Harley's jacket and shirt and pulled out her 9mm.

She put it in his chest, over his heart and said "she said please."

"Two Face" he said "he put a hit out on you after you beat him up and sent him to prison. He talked to Zsasz and put a hit on Poison Ivy too."

"Thanks" Harley said as she knocked him out.

"Come with me" Ivy said as she gave Harley back the 9mm.

She led Harley back to the motorcycle and opened one of the saddle bags.

She took out several boxes of ammunition and said "load up with these."

"What are they?" Harley asked.

"Something I made myself" Ivy said "they're non-lethal, but filled with a plant toxin that will paralyze anyone it hits for a few hours."

"Cool" Harley said.

She emptied her regular ammunition and began reloading with Ivy's paralysis bullets. Ivy pulled the sawed off shotgun out of the saddle bag and loaded it with her paralysis shells. She put extra shells in her pockets. Harley filled her pockets too.

"Let's go" Ivy said "we need to try to get a little more info."

Harley nodded. She put the 9mm in the back of her belt and the .357 back in her jacket.

"Come on" Harley said "let's go check Two Face's old gang headquarters."

"Lead the way" Ivy said.

Harley began walking through alleys and back streets with Ivy following. Eventually, Harley stopped and pointed to an old abandoned looking bar. Ivy used a bush outside to raise her up to look in a window.

The bush lowered her to the ground and she said "there are twelve of his gangsters inside."

"Ok" Harley said "let's get 'em while we have the element of surprise."

"How?" Ivy asked.

"We'll shoot 'em with your paralyzin' bullets" Harley said.

"I don't think I can" Ivy said "I'm not fast enough to take on that many people. Besides they have guns too, except their bullets kill. And I can't sense any plants inside"

"Get behind me then, Red" Harley said.

She drew her .357 in her right hand and the 9mm in her left hand. She leaned back and kicked the door open, then immediately stepped in and began shooting. She easily hit all the gang member before any of them could draw their pistols. Suddenly, she heard a shotgun blast behind her. She turned and saw a gangster with a knife lying next to her.

Ivy stepped towards and said "you missed one."

"Thanks Red, I owe ya one" Harley said.

"Nah, I think that makes us even for earlier."

"OK" Harley said.

She put the 9mm away and reloaded the .357.

She pulled the hammer back on the revolver and said "come on."

She walked in and grabbed one of the paralyzed gangsters and began dragging him towards a door in the back. When she reached the door, she lifted the man up in front of her and wrapped her left arm around his chest, holding him in front of her like a shield. She pointed the revolver at the door with her right hand and kicked it open. There was only one man inside, he quickly raised a shotgun and pointed it at Harley. He lowered it when he saw Harley using one of his fellow gang members as a shield.

"Heya Johnny" Harley said "put the gun down."

He set the shotgun on his desk.

"The pistol too" Harley said.

He pulled a pistol out of a shoulder holster and set it on the desk too.

"Get the guns, Red" Harley said.

Ivy cautiously walked into the room and picked the guns up off of the desk. Harley dropped the other gangster and stepped into the office.

"It still amazes me how strong you are" Johnny said.

"Flattery will get ya nowhere" Harley said "and if ya take that switchblade out of your pocket, I'll blow your arm off."

"Man you're good" he said.

"I've been in the business a while" Harley said "sit down."

Johnny sat down and looked at her.

"Hands on the desk where I can see 'em" Harley said.

Johnny slowly put his hands on his desk.

"Now then" Harley said as she sat in a chair and propped her feet up on his desk "let's talk about the hits out on me and Red here."

"I had nothing to do with that" Johnny said.

"Really?" Harley asked "it would be hard for old Two Face to do it from jail, and ya're are his second in command."

"Ok" he said "I put the word out, but the boss gave the order."

"Uh-huh" Harley said "can ya call it off?"

"No" Johnny said "I can tell everyone it's been called off, but the boss will just give another order."

"Yeah, I know what that's like" Harley said.

She saw Johnny look behind her at the door with his eyes. She reached behind her back and pulled out the 9mm. She pointed the 9mm at Johnny and pointed the .357 at the door. She looked at the door and saw a gangster trying to sneak in with a crowbar. She rolled her eyes and shot the gangster at the door.

"HOLY CRAP!" Johnny yelled.

Harley took her feet off the desk, pointed both pistols at him and said "here I am being nice and ya pull a stunt like that. Ya already said ya can't call off the hit, so give me one good reason not to just shoot ya right now."

Johnny just stared at her without blinking and said "'cause you're being nice?"

"That's all ya got?" Harley asked "being nice went out the window when ya pulled that crowbar stunt."

Johnny just looked at her. Harley sighed and shot him with the 9mm.

"Hey" he said "I'm alive! You missed!"

"Nope" Harley said "they're non killin' bullets, but you'll be paralyzed for a while. Don't worry, we'll have the cops come pick ya up."

"Your friends too" Ivy said.

"C'mon Red" Harley said "let's get outta this dump."

As they left, Harley found a pay phone and called the police and told them the address to the warehouse.

"Let's go get some lunch" Harley said as she hung up the phone.

"Are you crazy?" Ivy asked.

"Yeah" Harley said nodding.

"Let me rephrase that" Ivy said "do you remember that there is a hit out on us?"

"'Course I do, Red" Harley said "I've been waiting for someone to kill me evah since I hooked up with the Joker. I'm kinda used to it."

"How do you get used to _that_?" Ivy asked.

"The basics" Harley said "keep your back to the wall, read body language, stay armed. Y'know stuff like that. That's how I knew that guy with the crowbar was coming. Johnny looked at the door with his eyes and flashed a nervous look for a second."

"Wow I never knew you could read people like that" Ivy said.

"Part of it comes from being a psychiatrist" Harley said "the rest comes from several people trying to kill me, multiple times."

"How have you lived your life like this for so long?" Ivy asked.

Harley shrugged and asked "wanna get tacos?"

"Come here" Ivy said as she dragged Harley to a building. She pushed her against the wall and asked "what is going on inside your head that you are taking this so lightly?"

"I don't know, Red" Harley said "if ya haven't noticed, I'm messed up in the head and I won't even try to deny it. It makes life harder for me to deal with. I can point out what's wrong with me in a medical book, but I can't fix it so I just try to live with it. Look, if ya don't feel safe here, go home and I'll try to sort this out."

"Let's both go home" Ivy said "you could get killed out here, especially by yourself."

Harley shrugged and said "everybody dies Red, it's just a matter of how and when."

Harley stepped around her and started to walk away towards the warehouse district. She felt a hand on her shoulder, stopping her. She drew her revolver as she spun around and found herself pointing her revolver between Ivy's eyes.

"What are ya doing, Red?" Harley asked "I thought ya were going home."

"Come on, Harl" Ivy said "I'm not leaving you here alone. Let's go get those tacos, then we'll sort all this out."

"Ok, Red" Harley said "if ya really wanna stay."

"Of course I do you little psycho" Ivy said as she tousled Harley's hair between her pigtails.

Harley playfully pushed her away and said "cut it out ya mean old plant lady."

They both giggled and walked towards Harley's favorite Mexican restaurant. When they walked in and sat down.

The waiter walked over and said "hey, what do you want?"

"I've nevah seen you here before" Harley said.

"I'm new, what do you want?" he said.

"Uh-huh" Harley said.

She drew her revolver and stuck it in his face and said "if ya want to assassinate someone, don't hold the gun in plain sight and at least try to sound like a waiter. Now, put the gun on the table."

The man slowly placed a .45 pistol on the table.

"You have five seconds to be outta my sight" Harley said.

He just looked at her in shock.

Harley pulled the hammer back and said "four."

The man ran outside.

"Wow" Ivy said "you can spot a killer a mile away, can't you?"

"Yup" Harley said "especially when they're sloppy like that."

Harley set the .357 on the table and took the .45 pistol and put it on the booth next to her.

"Can we get a real waiter?!" Harley asked.

A man walked over and said "I…I'll be your waiter. Can…can you put the pistol away, please?"

"Oh, sure" Harley said.

She took the .357 and put it back in her jacket.

"Now then" Harley said "I'd like three hard tacos and two beef burritos. My friend will take the taco salad with no meat, right?"

Ivy smiled and nodded.

"I'll have it right out" he said as he walked to the kitchen.

While they were waiting, Harley's cell phone rang.

She answered it and said "hello?..hey Selina…whatcha got for me?..what?..you're sure?..ok, thanks for the heads up…I will…bye."

She looked at Ivy and said "we need to go, now."

"Why?" Ivy asked.

"Now, Red" Harley said "I'll explain outside."

Harley stood up, grabbed Ivy's wrist and pulled her outside.

"What's the matter?" Ivy asked.

"Selina just called, since we sent Two Face's entire gang to prison, he changed the hit into a bounty, he wants us alive so he can kill us himself. Alive, but _not_ unharmed."

"How much is the bounty?" Ivy asked.

"Five hundred grand a piece" Harley said "which means the entire Gotham underworld will be after us."

Suddenly they heard several gunshots. Harley grabbed Ivy and pulled her into an alley and down behind a dumpster.

Harley peeked around the dumpster and said "and all of Penguin's henchmen are coming after us."

She drew both of her pistols and said "I'll covah ya, jump the fence behind us and go two blocks to the right. It will take you to our vehicle hiding place."

"I'm not going to leave you here" Ivy said.

"Go home and look in my closet" Harley said "there's a hidden door in the back that leads to a stash of weapons. Garb some firepower and come back. It's better than them takin' us both now."

Ivy reached into her pocket and pulled out a seed and said "take this, I made it solely to be able to track its signature."

Harley put the seed in her pocket and nodded.

"I still don't like this plan" Ivy said.

Harley stepped out from behind the dumpster, firing both pistols and said "GO!"

Ivy ran and climbed over the fence. She heard the gunshots stop and a loud struggle.

She heard Harley yell "get your hands off me!"

The sounds of the struggle died down and she heard a voice say "not so tough now, huh?"

"I'M GONNA RIP YOUR JAW OFF AND SHOVE IT DOWN YOUR THROAT!" Harley yelled.

"Knock her out" a voice said.

There was a loud thump and Harley's voice stopped.

Ivy began running towards their house as fast as she could.

"I wish I knew how to ride a motorcycle" she thought as she ran.

When she got to her house, she ran straight to Harley's closet. She split the sea of red and black clothes and found a small handle on the wall. She grabbed it and pulled it, a small door swung open. Her jaw dropped when she saw all the guns and knives laying inside. She still didn't want to kill anybody, but she could wound them. If they hurt Harley, she would kill them with her bare hands. She grabbed a M4 and put it over she shoulder, then she grabbed a Thompson with a drum magazine. After making sure they were both loaded, she ran to her car. She closed her eyes and concentrated, she felt the genetic signature of the seed she gave to Harley and began driving towards it. She drove through back streets, trying to stay out of sight. The seed led her to Penguin's Iceberg Lounge.

"Why am I not surprised" Ivy thought as she got out.

She put the M4 back over her shoulder and grabbed the Thompson and walked to the building. She tried to open the door, but it was locked. She pulled out a seed and put it in the key hole. A plant began growing and the lock broke. Ivy pushed the door open and found most of the henchmen sitting at the tables drinking. She walked in and fired a few rounds from the Thompson in the air. The henchmen all looked at her.

"Nobody move a muscle or I'll blow you to Kingdom Come!" Ivy yelled.

She saw one of them playing with Harley's .357.

"Everybody get in the kitchen!" She yelled.

They all started walking to the kitchen with their hands up.

"Not the one with Harley's gun" she said "you come here."

He walked towards her.

Once they were all in the kitchen, she sealed the door shut with vines.

She walked over to the man with Harley's revolver.

Ivy took the pistol and stuck it in her belt and said "take me to Harley, now!"

The man nodded and started walking. He led Ivy upstairs to Penguin's office.

"Where's the Penguin?" Ivy asked.

"He's outta town" the henchmen said "he don't know we did this."

Ivy hit him in the back of the head with the stock of her gun. She pushed the door open and walked in. She saw a henchmen guarding Harley. Harley was sitting tied up on the ground with a cloth bag over her head. Ivy pulled out a hand full of seeds and threw them at him. They stuck to his body and quickly cocooned him in vines. Ivy ran to Harley and pulled the bag off of her head. Harley blinked her eyes to adjust them to the light. Ivy gasped, Harley's face was painted white and there were black circles around her eyes and red around her lips. There were several pieces of clear tape over her mouth. Ivy carefully pulled the tape off of her lips.

"Are you ok?" Ivy asked.

"I guess so" Harley said "thanks."

"What happened to your face?" Ivy asked as she untied Harley's legs.

"They said I didn't look like Harley Quinn" Harley said "so they painted my face with White Out and drew the lipstick and eyeliner with markers."

Ivy started to reach for Harley's hands to free them.

"Wait" Harley said.

"Why?" Ivy asked.

"I don't want you to get hurt" Harley said.

"What do you mean?" Ivy asked.

Harley sighed and said "they tied my hands with rope, but I got out. So they tied my hands with tape, but I got out again. So they used something else."

Ivy gently pulled Harley forward and looked behind her at her hands.

She gasped and asked "is that barbed wire?"

Harley sighed and said "yup."

"Ok" Ivy said "just hold still."

She carefully grabbed the wire between the barbs and began carefully unwinding it from Harley's wrists.

She finally finished and said "Ok, you're free Harl."

Harley stretched her shoulders and said "thanks, Red."

"No problem" Ivy said "let me see your wrists, Sweet Pea."

Harley held her hands out towards her.

Ivy checked her wrists and said "no major cuts, you'll be ok."

She took the M4 off of her shoulder and handed it to Harley.

"Thanks" Harley said. She looked it over and said "M4 Colt Commando, great choice Red."

"I got this back for you too" Ivy said as she handed her the .357.

Harley smiled and put it in her jacket.

She hugged Ivy and said "let's blow this joint."

Ivy returned the hug and said "I couldn't agree more."

Harley walked over and opened the door, she immediately closed it, leaned against it and asked "did you ordah room service?"

"Don't tell me" Ivy said.

"Yup" Harley said "three of 'em. Stand back."

Harley kicked the door open and rushed out. She punched one as hard as she could. She kicked another between the legs and elbowed the last in the face with the steel place in her jacket, knocking him down. She put her boot on his throat and pushed down slightly.

Ivy ran to her and said "Harl, he's down."

"He's the one who had the brilliant idea to tie me up with barbed wire" Harley said.

"Well, let's not kill him and go back to Jail" Ivy said "I've got a better idea."

She pulled out another seed and dropped it next to him. It sprouted into a thorn bush and wrapped around the man's body.

"Feel better?" Ivy asked.

"I guess" Harley said "let's go pay Two Face a visit in Arkahm."

As they started to walk down the stairs, several henchmen began firing at them. Harley pushed Ivy back around the corner.

"You uh, you forgot to disarm 'em, huh?" Harley asked.

"I sealed them in the kitchen with vines" Ivy said.

"I guess that makes sense" Harley said "but there are a lot of knives in the kitchen. Stay here."

She zipped her jacket, cocked the M4 and stepped around the corner. Ivy heard Harley and the henchmen firing back and forth.

"Ok, Red" Harley said "let's go."

Ivy walked around the corner and saw that Harley had shot them all in both shoulders.

"Did you get hit?" Ivy asked.

"They shot me in the chest a few times, but the Kevlar stopped the bullets" Harley said "come on."

"Hey Harl" Ivy said as they left.

"Yeah?" Harley said.

"Instead of going to Arkahm, why don't we go home, put your guns away and just call Gordon?" Ivy asked.

"We can do that" Harley said.

Ivy led her to the car outside and drove her to her motorcycle. Harley got out of the car and pulled her bike out of hiding.

She started it and said "race ya home!"

She popped a wheelie and raced off. Ivy sighed and followed her. Once they got home, Ivy called the police station while Harley started cleaning the guns.

Harley was putting the guns away when Ivy walked in and said "it was an interesting conversation, but it's taken care of."

"What do you mean interesting conversation?" Harley asked as she closed the hidden door.

"Well" Ivy said "Gordon said it sounded like karma. We talked about being bounty hunters and then a bounty was put on us. Anyway he said he would work with Batman to take care of it."

"Good" Harley said "now I'm gonna go try to get this stuff off of my face."

She walked to the bathroom and began washing her face.

Ivy walked in and said "I have a question for you Harl."

"What's that?" Harley asked.

"Can you get me one of those jackets?" Ivy asked.

"Sure, Red" Harley said "I just need the designs you want on it."

"Thanks" Ivy said "by the way, I have some organic face scrub that should take that stuff right off."

"Awesome" Harley said.

"Come on" Ivy said "I'll get it and well take care of that, um makeup."


End file.
